Please. I'm Sorry.
« Thread started on: Sep 14th, 2012, 10:44am »
I didn't mind, so much, when I had you. It was nice to have a laugh. Someone to talk to and be comforted by and have fun. Someone who might vaugley understand how I feel. We could have gone out. I could talk to you about anything. I did. I told you everything. I could trust you. And I was sure you trusted me. You told me things as well. We were friends. I liked that. It was safe.
Changed a bit now though, hasn't it? I don't exist. The way you looked at me... I wasn't even there. Blank. Nothing. Emptiness in your eyes. I like to think I don't care. I don't need you. I do. You should know I do. I tried to talk before. You said I should leave. And then said it was for my own good. I believed you. I trusted you. Like always. Deleriously still clinging onto the strands of your friendship that you took from me without a word. I don't need you. Yes I do.
I don't understand what I did. Where I went wrong. If you could tell me, I could make things better. I don't understand. I can't make things better without knowing what's wrong. Tell me. Tell me how to change and I will. You know I'd do anything. But I don't matter. I can't give you as much. I don't know why. I'm not good enough. Not worth your time. Not worth knowing.
I thought I could depend on you. When I saw what she'd said. In those videos. On that blog. I wanted to talk to you and then I could be happy. But I couldn't even say that. Because I know you're friends. It hurt. I tried not to tell anyone but it hurt. It still does. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry I pushed you to leave me. I'm sorry I push people away. I'm sorry I was enough of a bad person to make her say those things. I'm sorry. I want to take it all back, to make it better. But I can't. You won't let me. I need your help. I need you to listen. Please. Listen to me. I'm sorry. I just want you to talk to me.
So here I am. Alone. I want to do something stupid. I want to hurt. I don't care who I hurt. Yes I do. I can't hurt if people I care about will hurt. I can't hurt people because I'm selfish. That's not fair. But it hurts so much on the inside. I feel so alone. There's people here but I can't talk to you. Too far away. I'm so confused. I want to do something but I can't. I can't talk I can't hurt. I want to. You don't understand. You don't understand because I'm selfish. I can't even cry.